Chapter 1: The Zombie Process
The code was dead: to begin with. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate...
The CEO was a happy and generous frog, who understood Christmas well, or so he thought.
Here's your Christmas bonus! You're really important to our team!
Everyone gets tomorrow off, with pay! I want you all to have time to do your Christmas shopping!
Profits are way up this year! Christmas spending is higher across all demographics!
On Christmas Eve, after all the presents were wrapped and the tree lit, he thought he would work on an old project that he had been neglecting.
You can't give output! You're just some dead code!
I've become a zombie process, to deliver you a warning, old friend.
You've bought the lie that Christmas is about buying gifts! You must change your ways before it's too late!
That's ridiculous! Everyone knows buying gifts is the best way to show our love for each other at Christmas!
Your logic is as flawed now as it was when you wrote me!
Tonight you will be visited by 3 goats, who will show you the true meaning of Christmas!
Goats? Did you say goats?
Published Wednesday, 16 December 2015